Joseph’s ideas about baby

On the very first evening that we told Joseph about baby (after my 9 week ultrasound) Joseph said, “Well, you know mom, you will save a lot of money if you have a boy, because it can have all my clothes and toys.”  I think this is the cutest thing ever.

I have mentioned before that Joseph really wanted to know if the baby was a girl or boy, one of the only reasons that tempted me to find out.  But he totally came around and now likes to make guesses, but knows it could be either.

We have talked a lot about how baby is upside down for the last 10 weeks or so and he likes to kiss baby and talk about what body parts he is kissing.

He loves when baby has hiccups since it is so easy to feel!

“How did your butt get so big??” 

Joseph didn’t really realize that babies usually come out vaginas, since he knows that he came out of my tummy. He was a little bothered by this when we started talking about it. “A baby can’t fit out a vagina!!!”

“Will it hurt baby when they cut the umbilical cord?  Will it hurt you?  What kind of knot do they tie it with?”

Last night Joseph was very interested in talking about how things are going to work when I go into labor.  He said, “you can come wake me up if the baby’s coming.  Then I will wake Dad up.  If it is hard to walk put your hand here (demonstrated).  Then I will call Bob.”

“Your tummy makes a really good cushion!”

“You can have two of my berries because your pregnant!”

“Mom, can you wait to have baby, because then you won’t have to eat so much healthy stuff and you won’t have to walk a lot?”

PS—I ok’d this list with Joseph and there were some more graphic and funny things I wasn’t allowed to include.

talk, talk, talk

“I’m doing American culture because I play baseball.”

“It’s great to be 5!” Later when mad, “I’m not a happy 5 year old anymore.”

“Can kids get cancer?”

“Is Minnesota longer than a night aways? Do they have lots of soda?” (think, Minna-sota!)

“Is great-gram older than Abraham Lincoln?”

Asking me to guess the weight of something: “How many announces do you thing were in there? You are correct.”

“How much does the world cost?”

“What is the first town?” (I responded, unimaginatively, that I did not know.) Joseph continued, “I think it is Shoreham, because Shoreham is smallest. it is smaller than Middlebury and Cornwall.”

“Hey tree. Where do you go to the potty?”

Playing soccer my goal is the whole side of the garage. His goal “is invisible and it moves.” 

“Books know a lot about things!”

About a car store: “Why do they sell cars? Do they want to be rich?”

Me: “Why is it hard for you to sleep at night?” Joseph: “The night is too long. Why is it so long? It should be a minute shorter.”

Me, before a long drive in the middle of the afternoon: “If you’re tired, feel free to rest.” Joseph: “How long is it?” Me: “About half-an-hour.” Joseph: “Oh I’ll sleep if we drive to Australia.” 

“Can I have a dollar bill, but not a George Washington?”

And today, “Dad’s a boy, and I’m a boy, so can Father’s Day be for me too?”

Captain Naked-Pants (more overheard from Joseph)

• When mad at me because I wouldn’t let him have any candy Joseph threatened: “Fine, I wont eat any more candy ever!” I have also heard: “I am throwing away all my toys!” 
• “Remember a long long time ago when Margot grew a Shu-shi foot?  She grew a kitty!”  (Margot is our one-year-old kitty and Shu-shi is her kitten, who is now bigger than her and STILL nurses btw.  We actually watched him come out.)
• “Can I have peanut butter and jelly?” At Thanksgiving, and pretty much every other meal.  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  We finally implemented a “once a day pb & j” rule.  
• “I am Captain Naked-Pants!”
• “It’s a big world!”
• “I’m shaving” with lotion all over his face . . . 
• “When I’m a big kid I can carry you and Shu-shi and daddy.”
• “I am working hard.  I have to do hard work.”
• “This is my creative toy.”
• Me: “How old are you going to be on your next birthday?”  J: “almost 5.” (He is very aware of the fact that you start Kindergarden when you are five.  To him 5=big kid.) 
• “That’s a really fat man.”  When a large and rather masculine women walked into the restaurant.
• And, just now, he started doing perfect chasses, with even his arms in attitude (this is ballet step kind of like skipping sideways with one arm high and one arm at waist level).  I was very surprised and asked him where he learned this.  He said (seriously) “I felt it in my body.” (!?!?!?)  What a dancer!  ;-)
• “Shu-shi is president!” 
• “Where does the sun go at night?”  “Where do snowmen go at night?” 

Playgroup leader to be, waterfalls of pee, and inviting the whole world to our house . . .

At three-and-a-half (WOW!) Joseph can really express himself and it is very entertaining!!!  Every evening I have a whole list of funny things J said to share with Brad.  Many are lost, but here are a few:  

• “I have a big brain!”
• “I am growing soooo much!”
• “When I grow up I am going to be a playgroup leader.”  (This is what he said when he figured out that I was going to be the playgroup leader and he therefore doesn’t get to go anymore.)
• “Look at this big waterfall!”  (While peeing.)
• Me: “What are you doing?”   J: “Building a house.”   Me: “Oh.  Who is the house for?”  J: “It’s for sale.  It costs 300 dollars!”  (This is very expensive; he is always selling things but they are usually, 1, 2, or $10.)  
• “I am the Dada shark and you are the mama, Salsa.  Our babies are Tucker and Conner.” (For about a week this was an almost constant game.)
• “How did he get that hook on his arm?” (About Captain Hook.)
• (First thing he came up with while we were talking about what we are thankful for): “I am thankful for the toys Santa is going to bring me!”
• “Is Daddy the biggest guy ever?”
• “Can I invite the whole world to my house for a sleep-over party?”
• “Where do rain clouds come from?”
• “You’re not going to be my momma anymore!” (When mad.)
• J: “Can you tell Santa I want _____________ ?”  (All of a sudden he is VERY into the idea of wanting toys.  Definitely something we need to work on countering.  Parenting gets complex in all new ways these days.)  Me: “Well, let’s write him a letter.”  J: “Does Santa live at that store in Burlington?”  (He was remembering a store on Shelburne road that is all Christmas stuff.)  
• “I want to be ______ for Halloween.”  “I want a _________  birthday party.”  (He talks about these things ALL THE TIME!!)
• “Momma”  All of a sudden I am momma now, as opposed to Mommy.  I don’t really know why, but I’ll take it!  Cute. 
• Freind H: “Sit next to me Joseph!”  “Do you want to go to the restaurant?” “You can come to Boston with us Joseph!”  Hadley is a little girl we see at story hour every week.  She is one of the first friends that Joseph made all on his own, without me being friends with a parent first and arranging things.  We have taken them out to eat after story hour a couple times and now they think this should happen every week.  They are always arranging new plans, though for now most of their quality time is sitting next to each other listening to story hour, doing a craft, looking at books—H pics out all the pink ones and J all the scary ones—, and sometimes a little running and arguing.
• “They will have ice cream buckets!”  (Tying to convince me that he should come to a Pampered Chef party with me yesterday.)